Gay Actors

When we meet people, and sometimes even after we get to know them, there is an assumption of straightness. It's what we think of as the norm because let's face it, the majority of people on the planet are heterosexual.  Most people don't broadcast their sexuality. Generally, straight men don't go around announcing to the world that they're straight. Most guys I know just keep their sexuality to themselves. 

The assumption of straightness is fostered by the appearance of wives and girlfriends. If a guy is in a heterosexual relationship, why would anyone even question his sexuality? They wouldn't. There's a spillover effect that applies to single guys as well. Even without a girlfriend, unless you communicate to people that you're gay, people assume you're straight.

It's stereotyping, yes, and even I admit that I'm guilty of it. Over the years I've been surprised to find out differently about people whom I assumed to be straight.  (I have terrible gaydar.)  But then, it's really none of my business what people do in their bedrooms. Similarly, it's no business of anyone else what I do in mine.

Of course, we all know straight guys who pridefully boast of their sexual conquests and proficiency...guys who just have to make a sexual comment about every woman they see.  It's almost as if they're trying to convince the world that they're straight. But they're outliers. And frankly, when a guy has to constantly brag about his sexual prowess, it makes others wonder if there is something else going on?

Sexuality is not about being macho either. I'm sure that by now we've all heard about extremely macho guys who've turned out to be gay. It always seems to be such a shock. ”Him?!” we say incredulously. ”I never would have known!”  

Exactly. Why would you? And why should you?

By the same token, I know some guys who are so very...let's say "unmacho" that you might question their sexual orientation, but who are in fact as straight as an arrow.

My friend Terry says to me, "You don't act gay."
And I reply, "How are gay people supposed to act?"

Or sometimes people say, "You're the least gay, gay guy I know."

And I say, "How would you know that?"

I get their point. Our image of gay people is often formed by the more flamboyant and effeminate examples we see. We get to thinking that if you're gay then you must be like them. And if you're not obvious about it then you're putting on an act - covering up your true nature.

I'm not gay helicopter pilot. I'm not a gay motorcyclist. The fact that I'm gay does not influence those activities. I don't “act” straight.  And by that I mean when I'm not riding or flying, I don't go home and dress like Cher and prance around like some disco queen.  I don't try to be macho, and believe me, I'm not.  I'm just a guy.  And I've had some great male role models throughout my life who've shown me what it's like and what it takes to be a man. I can only hope that I'm making them proud.

I don't let societal pressures tell me how to behave or how I should act. Just because some gay guys are...well...more in touch with their feminine side, does that mean I have to be?  As far as I know, I have no feminine side. Or maybe I've repressed it so much that it has ceased to exist - I don't know - do I look like a psychologist? Either way, I try to not let my sexuality become a part of everything I do that's not sexual. That seems kind of obvious to me.  But not everyone can do it, gay or straight.

So when Terry says tells me that I don't act gay, I reply that I'm not an actor. And anyway, most actors I know of actually are gay.