Best Job Ever

At four a.m., the streets of Pensacola, Florida are empty. There are lots of trees, and streetlights are few and far between, so the city is spooky-dark. There are few other cars out.  No police…don’t know where they disappear to. 

Smooth jazz plays from the radio, volume low. It’s not that I like smooth jazz, but it seems to fit the dead-of-night mood. I drive around slowly, slouched against the door, one hand on top of the steering wheel, waiting for the Uber app on my phone to *ping* signaling me that someone needs a ride.

At night there’s a sense of aloneness…of isolation. You feel like a night watchman, or a guardian, prowling around while everyone else sleeps peacefully, snug in their beds.

I know a lot of people like the night time. It’s quiet…gives one time - and space - to think.  Not me. I’m not a big fan of the night. My motto is: ”Nothing good ever happens after midnight.” Words to live by. I normally don’t drive at night. I'm a daytime Uber driver.  On Fridays and Saturdays, I will stay out a little later, up until around nine o’clock if business is hopping. I’ll bring people out to the bars, but I ain’t pickin’ ‘em later. No one has ever gotten sick in my car; I aim to keep that record intact.

However, during the week I start early. I’m an old guy, and I wake up early to…well, let’s just say that there is a certain physiological need that plagues men of a certain age. And I am of that age. When I wake up, I’m up – there’ s usually no going back to sleep. So I just get dressed, make some coffee and get the day going. I’ll turn the Uber and Lyft apps on around four a.m. – or maybe five if I’m being lazy. There are always trips. Either I’ll just sit in the house and wait for them, or if I’m bored or need gas, I’ll go out cruising. The latter is not cost-effective because it means I’m putting “deadhead” (i.e. unpaid) miles on the car.

As I said, I don’t like driving at night. The night vision and depth perception aren’t what they used to be. It takes a long time now for these old eyes to adapt to the dark. The good thing about driving the really early-morning shift is that I know it’ll soon be getting light out. And I like watching the sun come up. It’s always invigorating: The promise of a new day!

By four a.m. the drunks have long been kicked out of the bars, so I don’t get them. But I still get called to the bars to pick up the staff who’ve closed up. Some of them are seriously drunk! Evidently bar workers like to hang out and drink after the customers are gone. The good news is that they tip well. Along with them are the travelers catching the 6:00 a.m. departures from the hilariously-named Pensacola International Airport – all of the airlines have these super-early flights. Our dinky airport is incredibly busy at 4:30 - 5:00 in the morning.  

I make fun because there are no international flights into or out of Pensacola.  We are, however, what is called an Airport of Entry, meaning that U.S. Customs is available for private flights coming in from Canada or Mexico.  Our former mayor noted that fact and decided that we could legitimately change the name of our airport from "Regional" to "International."   Sounds much better, right?

Next are the early-birds who have to be at work before everyone else. There is a woman I’ve taken a few times who goes to a Hardee’s long before they open where she does, indeed, make the biscuits from scratch, which I thought was just an empty commercial slogan.

Finally come the “normal people,” who Uber to their regular jobs at the various area credit unions, hospitals and businesses. More and more I take people to the new bunch of so-called “CBD” dispensaries that have cropped up since Florida legalized medical marijuana. One morning, I had a rider who was really late for work. I foolishly asked if he was going to get in trouble.  And he goes, ”Naw man, they’re really chill."  I mentally slapped my forehead: Heh, of course they are.

If I’ve hit my revenue goal, I’m home by nine or ten in the morning. That leaves the rest of the day for goofing-off. If it’s been a slack morning, or I’m just bored, I’ll go over and sit in the airport queue, which I normally try to avoid.

I’ll tell you, this Uber thing is the best job I’ve ever had – not the most highly-paid job, mind you, but the best job.